He’s loud. He’s proud. And he hasn’t walked a single yard since 2009.
Introducing: The Cartpath Cowboy.
You’ll hear him before you see him — tires crunching gravel, Bluetooth speaker blasting classic rock, a half-empty tallboy rattling around in the cupholder. When you finally catch sight of him, he’s probably parked on the tee box, one leg out, sunglasses crooked, yelling “You boys good on drinks?”
He’s not here to win. He’s here to drive.
🚫 Walking? Absolutely not.
The Cartpath Cowboy treats the 90-degree rule like a polite suggestion. That “cart path only” sign? Optional. If his ball is 20 feet from the path, he’s gunning it straight through the rough like he’s dodging tumbleweeds.
You’ll see him drifting around bunkers, reversing down fairways, and somehow getting a golf cart airborne over a root. He calls it “efficient.” The superintendent calls it “a nightmare.”
🍺 The cooler is always full (and open)
Cartpath Cowboy comes prepared. Always. The man is a rolling clubhouse.
He’s got:
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A 12-pack of light beers
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At least one questionable snack (jerky that’s definitely past the sell-by date)
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A JBL speaker clipped to the roof
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One mystery flask, never discussed, only passed silently
And don’t worry — he’s offering drinks to everyone. Whether it’s hole 3 or hole 17, you’re getting “hydrated.”
⛳️ Shotgun swings and cowboy confidence
His game? Inconsistent. His confidence? Unshakable.
One hole, he’s topping a 6-iron into the water. Next hole, he’s holing out from 50 yards and screaming “GET IN THE HOLE, BABY!” like he’s on Tour.
Does he keep score? Barely. But he does keep receipts — every lucky shot is a memory he’ll talk about for years.
🧢 The fit? Laid back. The attitude? Legendary.
You won’t catch Cartpath Cowboy in tour-pro gear. He’s rocking:
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A loose-fitting polo or tee (possibly untucked, probably stained)
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Shorts with too many pockets
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A hat that’s seen some stuff
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And shoes with zero grip left but too much sentimental value to toss
And you better believe he’s wearing Wedgies — because even outlaws deserve quality gear.