Well folks, it’s that magical time of year again—when America’s finest golfers gather to suffer publicly for four days on a course that’s less forgiving than your ex after you “forgot” her birthday (again).
That’s right. The U.S. Open is back.
This years Venue: Oakmont Country Club, a private club located in Oakmont, Pennsylvania with a membership initiation fee of $200,000. The hotdogs on that course better shoot par for me with that price!
So who’s gonna win it? Let’s break down the top contenders, the not-so-top contenders, and the one guy in your foursome who still thinks he could “turn pro if he just practiced more.”
The Favorites
Scottie Scheffler – Mr. Automatic
Let’s be honest, if Scottie played with a broomstick and a blindfold, he’d still shoot under par. His swing is smoother than a buttered otter and he hasn’t missed a cut since… ever? We don’t know. Scientists are still studying him. His putting is hit or miss, but when he misses, he just hits another green in regulation to make up for it. He’s not flashy—he’s just clinically effective. Like Advil. Or duct tape.
Prediction: Top 3. Possibly wins. Probably doesn’t smile.
Rory McIlroy – The Tease
Rory’s game is like that friend who swears they’re going to quit drinking every Monday. So much promise. So many letdowns. If he can putt better than your uncle Steve after six Modellos, he has a real shot.
Prediction: Top 10. Leads after Round 1. Loses in heartbreaking fashion. Fans tweet sad memes.
Brooks Koepka – The Major Guy
Brooks only shows up to majors. Literally. The man treats regular tour events like warm-up swings. He also has the emotional range of a brick wall, which is perfect for the USGA’s yearly cruelty. If he doesn’t hit every fairway with a snarl and a protein shake in hand, we’ll be shocked.
Prediction: T-5 with 0 facial expressions and 17 protein bars consumed.
The Wild Cards
Bryson DeChambeau – Science Experiment
Bryson has the body of a linebacker, the brain of a NASA intern, and the personality of a protein shake. He’s been driving the ball so far, Elon Musk tried to recruit him for SpaceX. If his driver stays in bounds and he remembers that golf isn’t just a physics exam, he could shock everyone.
Prediction: Either wins or finishes +14 with a club snapped over his knee.
Ludvig Åberg – IKEA’s Favorite Son
No one can pronounce his name, but he’s been quietly killing it. Rookie nerves? Maybe. But he swings like a guy who’s never seen fear—or a triple bogey. Don’t sleep on him unless you want to wake up to him lifting the trophy with that humble Scandinavian shrug.
Prediction: Top 5. Commentators mispronounce his name the entire time.
Fan Favorite
Rickie Fowler – America’s Sweetheart (Still)
He’s like your golden retriever: friendly, loyal, and never quite catches the squirrel. But every year, we say, “This might be Rickie’s time.” It won’t be. But we’ll all root for him anyway.
Prediction: Misses the cut but makes a million new fans and signs every kid’s hat.
Dark Horse Pick: Tony Finau
Tony has the game to win and the bad luck of a man who breaks mirrors for fun. If the planets align, and his putter isn’t a potato this week, we could be looking at the most likable champion in U.S. Open history.
Prediction: Tied for the lead with three holes to play. Then… tragedy. Again.
Bottom Line
The U.S. Open isn’t about birdies. It’s about survival. It’s about watching professional athletes chip from one side of the green to the other like a hot potato. It’s about announcers whispering dramatically while someone four-putts for double. It’s about the heartbreak, the chaos, the inevitable bunker meltdown.
And just remember, while they’re battling 30-yard roll-offs and knee-high fescue, you’ll be battling your own demons this weekend—like a 3-footer to win $10 off your buddy and three White Claws.
Our pick? Scottie wins. Rory breaks our heart. And Rickie wins Twitter.
Want more brutally honest golf coverage and predictions less accurate than your buddy’s GPS rangefinder? Stick with us. We’ll never leave you in the rough.
⛳️ Cheers and cold beers,
The Wedgies Golf Blog
1 comment
Rickie sucks eggs.